My brother married Anna on the third day of November. It was a cold day with winds that chilled even the joyful guests. I met Sabine, Anna's roommate from College, moments before the ceremony. She sat down next to me and I watched her pull her short skirt low on her hip so the cold metal wouldn't sting her thighs.
Impressed by the practical girl, I turned my eyes to isle as the first notes of the wedding march touched my ears. On the arm of her stern father, Anna floated down the isle. Her simple features, for once absent of crooked frames, lit up with a grin. Some women, when they're happy, can stretch their lips into an expression we call a smile. Anna was no one of those women.
Anna was clumsy with happiness, as she was with most things. It tripped over her face and settled into a crinkled look of giddiness. My brother, Derek, had no patience for Anna's clumsiness. He considered her lack of grace a great flaw. I considered his lack of appreciation for Anna a greater flaw.
I stared dumbly as Anna met Derek at the podium. Derek accepted her hand and then spoke the vows that sealed their marriage. I felt an elbow in my ribs. Sabine leaned her tear-streaked face in close as she whispered, "Do you have a tissue?"
I leaned in eagerly. "Are you married?"
Sabine crinkled her brow in confusion and shook her head.
"Engaged?"
She gave me a look of exasperation. "No."
Sabine turned to ask the old lady on her right the question I wouldn't answer. Those were our first words, Sabine and I. I didn't learn who she was until hours later at the reception. She was seated in the seat next to mine and common acquaintances introduced us. We didn't talk much at first. I ate too little and drank too much. Lips are commonly looser under the influence of inebriation so our first talk didn't come until much later.
As the first speaker came to the podium, I thought of a quick escape. I wondered if the marriage would last the night. My brother was not known for his fidelity. I assumed there was a woman waiting in the wings. This was one of the few times I've ever been wrong about my brother.
Derek stood up to give his toast. Anna stared up at his adoringly. I felt sick for her. He didn't deserve such devotion.
"We have an announcement." Derek slurred into the mike.
Anna looked panicked and pulled on his sleeve. "Not now. Later."
"We just got married." He slurred down at her. "When's better?"
Anna sat back, resigned.
"After much dis-discus-shion." Derek turned away from the mike and laughed at his best man. "Wow. Am I drunk. Shit. This's good party."
"Fucken great party, man."
"Fuck it." Derek puts his lips against the mike. "We're moving to Paris."
Gasps and murmurs flood the hall. I didn't make a sound. My surprise was overwhelmed by a feeling that fate was against me. I knew about Anna's grant. Months ago she told me that Derek convinced her to turn it down. He didn't think she needed to work at the Louver or finish her thesis.
I'm not sure what happened after that. I'm pretty sure my mother threw a fit and my father put her in line. That's based more on experience than memory. Funny thing is, I'm the favored child. Anyone that's met my parents would think they want Derek to disappear. And the assertion is correct. At the same time, I swear my mother goes out of her way to prove that the root of hysterical is correctly feminine.
I woke up the next morning with a hangover. No surprise there. My tongue stuck against the root of my mouth the same as my cheek stuck to the rented sheets. I rolled out of bed and blindly sought the only refuge available to me. My pack of cigarettes offered a friendly reward. A lone cig slipped into my fingers.
"Please...don't."
I turned on the bed to stare at the strange form of a woman. The crust cleared out of my eyes after a few purposeful blinks. Satine sat clutching the sheet to her chest.
"I'm allergic to the smoke."
Slowly I put down the cig. At the time I didn't know that was the last cigarette I would ever hold. I did, on the other hand, realize that something was about to change in my life. Sabine was fresh and lovely, even having just wakened. The warm flush of sleep made her cheeks ruddy. I briefly wondered if her cheeks held that same inviting rouge last night, whilst were in an intimate embrace.
"Did we...?" I trailed off but she knew was I meant.
She nodded. "Yeah. Kinda a new thing for me."
I raised an eyebrow.
She jumped at the insinuation. "Not in a bad way. I just...never with a girl before."
I crooked the side of my mouth. "Supose we're even, then."
Sabine looked hopeful. "Oh?"
"You're my first straight girl."
Let down, Sabine let her face fall back to an uncertain frown. As per the norm, I felt bad for my sarcasm. She wasn't to blame for my discontent, so I immediately tried to make amends.
"Look. It happens. We got drunk. We ended up in bed. I'm sure it's happened before with a guy-"
"Well, you'd be wrong. I don't just..." Sabine waved at the sheets angrily. "And I wasn't drunk. You were drunk. I was just...lonely and kinda desperate."
"That's always good to hear." Naked, I stood and walked to the bathroom.
Sabine followed, the sheet dragging after her. "I'm sorry. Something happened last night and it was kinda important..."
She trailed off as I began to pee. Sabine turned away prudishly. I couldn't help from chuckling. She folded her arms and send daggers by way of the mirror.
"Your attitude isn't helping any."
"Wow." I said from my porcelain thrown as I pulled off a wad of toilet paper. "I haven't heard that since grade school."
With a flush for the porcelain god I left the bathroom. Sabine stumbled out behind me and began to lecture. "Hey. Your hands. You should wash them. You don't know what kind-"
Boldly I turned on Sabine and wiped my hand on her sheet. Up close I could see why my drunken self made a pass. She was all kinds of womanliness. Her soft skin pulled tightly over soft curves. A permanent dimple creased her right cheek and the skin on her neck trembled over the beat of her heart.
My hands made their way around her back and I grabbed her into a possessive embrace. Her reaction wasn't what I expected. Instead of desire or even revulsion, fear sparked in her eyes. This was a damaged packaged. I let her go immediately.
"I'm sorry." She replied weakly.
"No problem." I replied dismissively and began to gather up my clothes.
"Something happened..." Sabine began to explain.
"I know what happened."
She tried to step in the way of my progress. "I just thought..."
"Look." I said, heading straight for her vulnerability. "I don't have what you need."
"Why not?"
"Going to a girl because a guy wasn't nice to you is like going to a chiropractor for a heart problem. It doesn't work." The stubborn cast to her face prompted my harsh words. "I'm not up for a charity case."
I snatched my pants from the bed and pulled them on. Fully dressed, I turned for the door but again she stood in my way.
"Maybe I just want to fuck...you..."
The lame statement was delivered with a familiar ring of desperation. She sounded just like me when I put my heart on the line. I could never come up with the right words when I really needed them. So I crossed my arms and looked at her. She was uncomfortable under my gaze. She was also unwavering.
"You want this?"
Sabine nodded.
"I'm not looking for a fuck."
With a half shrug Sabine admitted her fib. "Me neither."
"I don't like girls that lie."
Sabine took the acerbic words to heart and her eyes began to tear up. The tears were too much for me. I rushed over and stood in front of her dumbly as she struggled through the first sobs.
"Hey. Hey." I tried to pat her shoulder but that seemed to make the tears come faster. "I'm an ass, okay? This is why you don't want to get with me. I'm a big old fuck up."
Sabine threw herself in my arms and almost knocked me over. Carefully I put my arms around her. My face rubbed against her delicately fragranced hair. I held her loosely; for fear that a tighter hold might upset her. The tears quieted and she settled herself against my chest.
"But I do." She said into my shirt. "All night. With you. That was the first time in a year that I felt...safe."
I closed my eyes. "I've done this kind of thing before, Sabine. It won't last."
She pulled her head up to look in my eyes. "Not with me. You haven't with me."
"I may act like a beast," I said as I brushed the my thumb down the side of her neck, "but my heart is just as likely to end up broken."
She blinked and whispered, "My heart is breaking right now."
That was all it took to melt me. A few sweet words and I was all down to have my heart broken. Slowly I leaned in and she returned the kiss eagerly. I didn't press her to remind me of our affection from the night before.
A kiss is all I stole. That kiss sealed my fate. No thoughts of my brother, or his beautiful wife. My eyes were full of a new beauty. I was in love.
Lucky for me, she was too.
The End
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