Jonah had the knack for pissing her off. Julia paced outside the funeral parlor. Two days since her mother's death and her life was in the shitter. And, reliably, Jonah was there to make it worse. Or, rather, wasn't there and still making it worse. He was ten minutes late and Julia's thoughts were not very Christian.
Jonah was her brother but only just barely. She was twelve when Mom married Jonah's dad. The marriage lasted six months, just long enough for her mom to find out about the bankruptcy and IRS bills that came along with her new husband. The marriage was annulled, so some might even say that they weren't related, but Mom didn't believe in dropping family. Even if there was no blood shared.
When Jonah was sixteen he and his dad fell out in a big way. Jonah ended up living with her and Mom until graduation. A year after that Jonah was back, staying with them after detox. Julia reserved a special kind of love for her stepbrother. It was a vicious, resentful, and angry kind of love that she felt for no one else.
Twelve minutes late, Jonah strolled up to the funeral home.
"Your late." Julia snapped.
"I had something to do."
Jonah tried to push past her. She grabbed his arm and stared at the freshly taped wound.
"What's this?" She twisted his arm so she could see the tattoo better through the cellophane. "You got tattoo that say's 'Mum'?"
Her voice raised to meet each new statement, "On the day of her funeral?! When she clearly-"
"She said when she died-"
Julia screeched, "She said 'Over my dead body.'"
Jonah sighed. "I love her. And this is my way."
Julia threw down his arm, hard enough that he winched from the force. She stalked back into the funeral parlor. It was classic Jonah. He never had any respect. He used to do his business in the morning while she was taking a shower. She'd open the curtain to find him seated on the toilet. He'd smile up at her, sometimes taking his time going over her naked body, as she fumbled to cover herself.
In school they were unlovingly nicknamed JJ. They were both freaks, just on opposite sides of the spectrum. She was a church freak and he was a Goth freak. When Mom was away he'd invite over his current skank and she'd invite over her bible group. Twice she found him under some gyrating hussy on Mom's bed. The first time she just marched out and slammed the door. The second time she pulled at the sheet under them, all the while screaming "C'mon!"
To which Jonah replied, "I'll come if you'd get out."
He went back to what he was doing. Urging his skank with gentle words like "C'mon baby. Don't stop now." And Julia stormed out again. Truth was, most of what she knew about sex came from her altercations with Jonah. But she'd never admit that to anyone.
Julia was a good girl. A church going woman. Dad died when Julia was young and the church was there for her. Mom'd take her to the chapel anytime. And there was always someone to talk to.
Not that the church was doing much for her lately. Her boyfriend of three years, a pastor in the church, cheated on her with a girl in the choir. The church encouraged her to forgive him, as they had, but Julia wasn't feeling all that forgiving. She thought he was going to propose the night he broke up with her. A week later Mom died.
And, to top matters off, Jonah was back. His bags were in the hallway as they returned from the service. Looked like he was moving in. Julia rushed up stairs and locked her bedroom door. She just wanted an hour alone, to cry in peace.
She must have dozed off because Julia woke up to the smell of pancakes. She found Jonah in the kitchen. He looked so comfortable and at home.
"I don't love you." Julia blurted. She wasn't sure where the words came from but there was more. "I think I hate you. No. I know I hate you."
"That's news." Jonah replied sarcastically as he held up an empty plate. "How many?"
"I don't want your stupid pancakes." Julia told him. "And you're not staying here. This is my house, my home-"
Jonah interrupted, "I get it. Don't worry about it."
"I'll worry if I want." Julia finished defiantly and sat down at the table.
Jonah brought his plate to the table and poured syrup over fresh pancakes. She stared at him, but couldn't find the same sense of hate that drove her moments before.
"I'm no good to you." Jonah said as he forked pancake into his mouth. "The only way I know to comfort a girl is to fuck her. Since you're my sister-"
"I'm not you're sister."
He nodded, conceding the point. "Anyway, I can find someplace else to stay. It's no trouble."
Julia felt a tear slide down her face and swiped it away. "She'd be mad at me for kicking you out."
"Can't dispute you there." He ignored Julia's resentful scowl. "She was more a mom to me than ever a mom I had."
"But no skanks. And no parties. This is a Christian house."
Jonah chuckled, "Next you'll say no drugs."
"Well..." She trailed off and felt like an ass. "I didn't mean that."
"I'm a bartender. In recovery. That thinks he has a music career. Even though his band broke up a year ago. And my favorite person just died."
Jonah shrugged, "At this moment, I wouldn't put any faith in my sensibility either."
"I don't like you. But I don't think..." Julia said quietly and finished with a mumbled, "that you're a bad person."
"If that isn't the most impressively forced complement I've ever heard."
Julia jumped up and yelled, "Sit and spin."
She could hear his laughter all the way up the stairs. Julia slammed her door and picked up a book. For an hour she forced herself to read and eventually her anger ebbed. There was a little knock on the door. She thought about telling him to go away, but didn't.
Instead she said "Yeah?"
Jonah pushed open the door and stood in the doorway. He folded his arms.
"You don't hate me." He said, leaving no room for argument.
Julia avoided his eyes. She leaned back against her headboard. Jonah sat on the corner of her bed.
"The like part is negotiable." Jonah added. "The hate part isn't."
Julia demanded, "Why?"
"She wouldn't-"
"Unfair!" Julia cried and shoved him off the bed.
He made a resounding thump on the carpet as she curled up in a ball and sobbed. Jonah climbed back up on the bed and curled around her. She eventually turned around to hit his chest with her balled fist. When the weeping passed, Jonah just held her.
"It's so unfair." Julia whimpered. "Just so unfair."
"Can't agree with you more."
Julia scrubbed her face with her palms. "My boyfriend broke up with me. Because I wouldn't put out. But he didn't tell me that I had to put out before he went and slept with that choir slut Angie. And then my mom dies."
She pressed her face into his chest. "Why is god punishing me?"
Jonah didn't say anything so Julia lifted her head to look at his face.
"Answer me." She demanded.
"I don't...I'm not..." He sighed. "Shit happens."
Her voice full of affront she told him, "That isn't an answer."
"You're asking an atheist why god is punishing you."
She scrunched her face up into a look of confusion. "Then what do you think? Why is this happening?"
Jonah looked pained. He touched her face and then leaned in to kiss her. Julia didn't move. His lips moved over hers, gently coaxing. After a minute he pulled away.
"Get angry." Jonah pleaded. "Tell me to stop."
Julia slid up and put her lips against his. Jonah gently pulled away.
"Don't do this." He said.
"You started it." She replied. "You said that's all you can do. That sex is all you have to offer."
"You're a virgin." He growled.
"I can't hurt any worse."
"You'll regret this."
"Yeah." Julia said with a twisted little smile. "Probably."
She leaned up and kissed him again. Roughly he pushed her back against the bed. She thought he was going to leave but instead he returned forcefully to her mouth.
He ripped the front of her blouse. She heard the fabric of her mourning outfit tear. She watched him wrestle off his black shirt and unbuckle his black pants. She unzipped her skirt and he yanked it off. Jonah pulled open her side table drawer. Julia watched, confused, as he searched for something and then pulled out her manicure scissors.
Jonah clipped down the pantyhose on one leg, and then the other. He cut them down to her knees. He snipped the middle of her bra so that it fell open. Julia felt dirty and exposed, but she didn't dare cover herself up. She shrugged out of the remnants of her clothing and he shucked his pants.
Naked he lay atop her. The roughness seemed to leave him. He stared down at her face with sad eyes. She swallowed but kept her eyes steady. She didn't want him getting the wrong signal and back out. He opened his mouth and she shook her head.
Julia shifted underneath him. She spread her legs and hooked her calves around the back of his knees. She brought her arms up around his neck and twined her fingers in his hair.
"Do it." She whispered.
He grabbed something off her side table, a tube of hand lotion, and squirted some on his hand. Then he did something down where she couldn't see. She felt him touch her, intimately, and couldn't help but look away. His breathing was shallow and there was a line of sweat on his brow. He parted her pussy lips with a finger and then she felt the tip of his cock replace his fingers.
He slowly eased into her. Julia closed her eyes and clamped her lips shut. It hurt and she wasn't thinking of anything besides the pain of him entering her.
"I can stop." He offered.
She tightened her jaw and shook her head, but didn't dare open her eyes.
He pressed in deeper still. She heard a sound, a little squeak, and realized the sound came from her, but he seemed to have reached the point of no return. He pulled out and pressed back in. Then again. She realized he was having sex with her. She was having sex. This was the in and out of sex.
Against her ear he said, "I'll make it quick."
The pace quickened until all she could hear was the sound of his breath in her ear and all she could feel was his body as it pounded into her freshly wounded pussy. The pain lessened with each new thrust but didn't completely go away the entire time he was inside her.
Something changed. She opened her eyes and looked at his face. His eyes were screwed tight and his face stretched taunt under some feeling she didn't recognize. He made a low grumbling sound and then an actual moan.
Her body rocked back and forth on the bed, like she was on one of those kiddy rides at the amusement park. His face was full of something. As if he were reaching. And then he reached it. His head whipped back, on it's own accord, and he trembled between her thighs. He was still shaking as he collapsed atop her.
She felt like she finally got it. Sure, the pain part wasn't fun and the sweaty part kinda sucked, but there was something else. She felt closer to Jonah. After years of feeling like they were completely separate people that would never have anything in common, in this moment they shared something.
He slid out of her and off of her, and she felt empty. The ache was so intense that she rolled away to hide her desperate desire. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to be close to him again. A long moment passed. His breath evened and he touched her back.
"Hey." Jonah asked. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." She said without turning.
She felt him pull up a blanket and wrap it around her. Tears came to her eyes. He was being so uncharacteristically tender. He put an arm around her and he snuggled up to her hair.
"I don't usually do this. The whole cuddling thing." He chuckled. "You should feel special."
The tears started as a trickle down her face and made their way to her shoulders. She couldn't stop trembling.
"Hey. Hey."
He turned her around and wiped the wetness from her eyes. Then he pulled her in close and held her face against his chest.
"Please don't hate me." He whispered into her hair.
"I don't." She blubbered. "I don't even like you."
The tears got worse as she cried, "But I think I love you."
"I know. I know." He said, holding her tightly. "It's like that the first time. It can feel like love even if it isn't."
She pulled away and told him, "But I do love you."
She welled up again and blubbered, "And you're not my brother."
He laughed and pulled her close. They lay in bed like that until she calmed down. Finally he said into her hair, "I have to go pee."
She said, "Me too."
Julia wrapped herself in a sheet and followed Jonah into the bathroom. She didn't feel the least bit uncomfortable as he did his business.
"You can stay." She said from the door. "In Mom's bed. But no skanks."
"We established that. No skanks in mom's bed."
"No skanks..." Julia said, not looking at him, "because I'd be jealous."
He flushed the toilette and came over to her. She looked up and he opened his mouth. She shook her head, stopping him.
"Don't." She fidgeted.
"You're family." Julia took a deep breath and let it out. "And family doesn't do this."
She screwed up her face, self-consciously. "At least, not more than once."
He smiled down at her and Julia scowled at him.
"Now get out. I hafta go pee."
She closed the door on his laughter and couldn't help but entertain a little smile herself.
The End.
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