CAST OF CHARACTERSCLAIRE:A woman in her early to mid 20's.
MARK:A man in his early to mid 20's.
WENDY:A woman in her early to mid 20's.
DONNA:A woman in her mid to late 20's.
ZACH:A man in his early to mid 20's.
ACT I
SCENE 1
AT RISE: Two park benches in a Sacramento park. CLAIRE walks on and sits on the bench at right. She folds her hands in her lap and looks around expectantly, like she's waiting. ZACH jogs on left. He stops, still moving his feet, and checks his pulse. Claire watches him expectantly but then Zach jogs off past her. Clair looks disappointed. MARK walks on.
MARKClaire?
Claire stands eagerly.
CLAIREBunny-Death-Ray?
MARKCall me Mark.
Claire and Mark shake hands.
CLAIREYou're the first person to show up that's responded to my add.
MARKI'm always up for meeting new people. Especially pretty ladies like yourself.
CLAIREUm...Okay.
MARKDid you just move here?
CLAIRENo. Um. I moved here a year ago to be with my college sweetheart, but things didn't work out.
MARKThat's too bad.
CLAIREYeah. This was his hometown. He had a whole circle of friends just waiting for him. I left all my friends behind.
MARKThat's terrible. But, hey. You're here. Proof that you can make new friends. As we speak, you're making a new friend.
CLAIREI've set up so many meetings in the last couple weeks. I was beginning to think I had the plague or something.
MARKIt's not you. People online can be flaky. But I showed up. And I'm sure I won't be the last.
CLAIREYeah. This is great. Um. So. I feel like I'm just babbling.
MARKThat's what people do when they're getting to know each other. How else can we get close?
Claire stares at Mark uncertainly for a moment.
CLAIREUm. So. What do you do for a living?
MARKI was touring with my bad a year ago but that was a bust. We ran out of money and then our drummer moved to Vegas. So, I made this deal with my parents. I can stay with them and they'll pay for school. I'm gonna be an EMT but they'll only pay if I also get my RN. But I'm not going to be a male nurse. I'm gonna be an EMT. I'm gonna get my certification by the end of the year and then go onto nursing school.
CLAIREYou live with your parents?
MARKJust for now. I had my own place and I will again. It's just while I'm in school and they're paying for everything.
CLAIREAnd your band...?
MARKWe still play. Matter of fact we're doing a gig at the True Love Cafe next month. You should totally go.
CLAIRESure. That'd be nice. Um. So. You have your music. And school. Is there anything else you do for fun? A lot of people I've been chatting with online said that Sacramento is kinda dead.
MARKMan. It's so wrong that people were telling you that.
CLAIREOh. Sorry. I didn't mean to-
MARKDon't be sorry. It's not like you'd know any better. You've just been talking to all those fraken people that live out in the suburbs and never leave their tiki-taki houses. They think that K Street mall represents our cultural center.
CLAIREBut they're wrong?
MARKSacramento isn't dead. Its pulse is just underground. The heart of Sacramento is in downtown. All those stupid Yuppies just haven't taken the time to look around and see what's here.
CLAIRESo. Um. What do you like to do?
MARKRight now I'm really into the Sacred City Derby Girls.
CLAIREI've never heard of that team before.
MARKIt's not just some sports team. This is the Roller Derby I'm talking about. Girls on skates doing some righteous girl on girl violence. It fraken kicks ass.
CLAIREOh. Okay.
MARKMaybe that's a little too rough for you. How 'bout this; I'm about to do the Zombie Walk with my TFO friends. We get all decked out with fake blood and gore and then stumble through town. It's fraken awesome.
CLAIREThat sounds...interesting. Um. Who are your TFO friends?
MARKOh. Man. Trash Film Orgy. See, if it was the right time of year I would totally be taking you to that. This guy gets up on stage dressed like a Mexican wrestler. He calls himself El Tigre Diablo. And there are these women and they do these skits. It's fraken hilarious. And then we all watch the worst friggen movies. It's the most awesome thing ever.
Claire looks away from Mark. There's a moment of silence.
MARKSo...You're single now?
CLAIREYeah. How about you?
MARKI don't do girlfriends. I like having friends. Friends I can get close with.
CLAIREI'm not looking to date right now.
MARKI didn't say anything about dating, but I'm all down with hooking up, if you ever need a man-
CLAIRE
(standing)I really don't think so.
MARK
(also standing)Hey. I wasn't hitting on you.
CLAIREI'm not sure...I don't even think we have that much in common.
MARKLife's a learning experience. Sometimes you gotta try on new things.
CLAIREI really have to go.
Claire turns to rush off.
MARKWell, email me-
Clair rushes off.
MARK-if you change you mind.
Mark sighs.
MARKGuess she needs to try on the world a bit more before she's ready to be friends with a guy like me.
Mark shrugs and walks off the opposite way as Claire.
(END OF SCENE)
ACT I
SCENE 2
DONNA and WENDY walk on. Donna looks off as she walks on because her daughter is playing in an unseen playground.
DONNA
(talking off)Go ahead and play, honey. We'll be right here.
Wendy looks perplexed as she squints off.
WENDYI think he's eating sand.
(pointing off)I think that boy playing next to Sara is eating sand.
Donna looks over and waves dismissively.
DONNAI see his mom. She's dealing with it.
(to Wendy)So, he wants me to pay half.
WENDYYou can't afford that.
DONNANo kidding. And she throws a fit every time I try to put those stupid tights on her.
WENDYSo, she doesn't even want to go?
DONNAThat's what I'm thinking. But he thinks that every little girl should take ballet.
WENDYNot Sara. She's a tomboy. She likes skateboards and bikes and-
DONNAHe thinks we can change that. That by the sheer force of his will he can mold her into the perfect little girl.
WENDYWhat a sexist. If I had my way he wouldn't even get near my niece.
DONNAIt doesn't need to go that far. He's her father.
WENDYWe didn't have a dad and we did just fine.
DONNAI'm not sure mom agrees with that. Anyway, my point is that I don't want to pay half.
WENDYBut you will.
DONNAMaybe.
WENDYYou always do. Because you don't want to create waves.
DONNAHe's her dad.
WENDYHe's a jerk.
DONNAThat's a given, but-
WENDYI know. I get it. I don't like it, but I get it.
DONNASo, how long do we have to wait for this girl?
WENDYShe should be here any minute.
DONNAIsn't she late?
WENDYActually, we're early.
DONNAI thought you said...
Wendy looks away.
DONNAYou little stink.
WENDYI didn't want to be late.
DONNASo, all the rushing-?
WENDYGave us a chance to enjoy this beautiful day at the park.
Zach jogs past the two women.
WENDY
(nodding at Zach)And the nice scenery.
DONNANot for me. I don't want to get pregnant again.
WENDYYou can look.
DONNALooking always leads to other things.
WENDYTell him to keep it in his pants.
DONNAThat never works. I have two. I almost had three. I look at a man wrong and I will have three.
WENDYI just don't think you need to miss out.
DONNAAren't you always complaining about having too many friends? What's the deal with this girl that makes her so special?
WENDYShe just...her post was so...pathetic. I hate to say that, but she seemed so lonely. It tugged at my strings.
DONNAMy sister. The bleeding heart.
WENDYThere's nothing wrong with a little charity.
DONNAMaybe you should turn some of that charity on yourself. Take care of your own stuff.
WENDYCan we not do this now?
DONNAYeah.
(looking off at playground)That boy is feeding my girl sand.
(standing)His mother isn't even watching anymore. I'm gonna go talk to her.
WENDYPlease, don't make a scene.
DONNAI'm not. I've seen them in the park before. I think her name is Joy or Jenny or something. I'll probably be trapped over there talking mother crap for a while, so you're on your own.
A moment passes. Wendy is content to sit alone and enjoy a moment of peace in the park. Claire walks on.
CLAIREBikini-Bottom-Girl?
WENDYThat'd be me. Real name's Wendy. You're Claire?
CLAIREYeah. Nice to meet you.
Claire sits on the bench next to Wendy.
CLAIREI'm so happy to meet you.
WENDYMe too.
CLAIRESo. Um. Are you a Sacramento native?
WENDYYes and no. Growing up we moved around a lot. Mostly around California. I'm more a native Californian than a native Sacramentan.
CLAIREI'm originally from the mid-west. So this has been a big change for me.
WENDYDo you like it?
CLAIREMostly.
WENDYAre you thinking about moving back?
CLAIRE
(shaking head)There isn't much point. My family's all over. I've got a job here. And a condo. If I can just make some friends-
WENDYYou've put yourself out there. That's the first step. I mean, I've just met you, but so far I like you. I'm feeling the friend vibe.
CLAIREThanks for saying that. It's been hard lately.
WENDYWe should get you out there. You need to meet new people and do new things.
CLAIREYeah. Um. So. Tell me about you.
WENDYWell. Where to start...?
CLAIREAre you in school...or something?
WENDYI'm not that lucky. Not that I hate my job. I love my job. I work at this yoga studio. It's right around the corner. I man the front desk. And I get to take classes for free. It's really great.
CLAIRESounds nice.
WENDYOh! Before we go any further, this is really not important but I should really tell you because it does bother some people. I'm a lacto-ovo-vegetarian. I eat eggs and dairy but no meat. But I'm not all political about it. It's just a preference of mine. I feel healthier when I don't eat meat.
CLAIRELong as you're not trying to make me-
WENDYI have no problem with you eating meat in front of me. If you can respect that I don't want to eat meat along with you, then we're all good.
CLAIRESure.
WENDYOh! I know! I should take you to East/West books. It's one of my favorite places to go. I'm kinda pagan.
CLAIREUm. So. You don't believe in god?
WENDYOh, no. I believe. I just haven't decided which version yet. I'm exploring my options.
CLAIREOh. That's interesting.
WENDYI think having a spiritual life is good for a person. And I'm totally tolerant. It doesn't matter what kind of spiritual life. Christians are spiritual and I think some of their rituals are beautiful. Its just the whole Judeo-Christian thing doesn't really work for me.
CLAIRESure.
Donna comes on.
DONNAYou two sure look cozy.
WENDYThis is my sister Donna.
CLAIRENice to meet you.
WENDYDonna, this is Claire.
DONNAI got that. I'm just coming off mom duty, so excuse me if I seem a little peeved.
WENDYSand Mom wasn't nice?
DONNAJamie. Her name is Jamie. And that was the first of a very long list of things she wanted to make sure I was straight about.
WENDYUgh.
DONNAYou know, how if I was watching my kid closer it wouldn't matter that her kid was trying to feed mine sand. But enough about that. So, Claire, I hear you're looking to meet new people. How's that going?
CLAIREUm. Okay. It's been kinda hard.
DONNAMeeting people online is always risky.
WENDY
(to Donna)She met me online.
DONNAExactly.
WENDYHa Ha. Funny.
(to Claire)I know you put an ad on MySpace. Have you tried other places?
CLAIRENot really.
WENDYYou know, you should really check out Midtowngrid.com. It's not really a social site, but it has this calendar that lists all these events going on in town. Oh! And the News and Review. Those are two great resources-
DONNAYou sound like an advert for living in Sacramento.
WENDY
(to Claire)Ignore her.
DONNA
(mocking)Come to Sacramento and see all the sights.
WENDYAll right. We get it. I was trying to be helpful and informative. Maybe I'll try another tactic.
DONNAMaybe you should.
WENDYSo. Claire. You've been having a hard time meeting people through MySpace? Tell me about that.
CLAIREBetween the people who say they want to get together but can never settle on a date, and the people who settle on a date but never show up; I've met you and one other guy.
WENDYWell...that's two new friends.
CLAIREUm. Not really. He was kinda weird.
WENDYHow so?
CLAIREHe kept going on about Derby girls and this Trashy Orgy thing.
DONNA
(sarcastic)That sounds promising.
WENDY
(to Donna)Trash Film Orgy. It's not something sexual. It's a film festival.
DONNAWeird name for a film festival.
WENDY
(to Donna)They show like B-movies. And exploitation films. Anything really trashy. Thus the name.
WENDY
(to Claire)He probably just didn't describe it right. Don't let the name put you off. It's really fun. They do these skits-
DONNASo, it's like that Rocky Horror Picture Show thing you dragged me to-?
WENDYKinda, but not really. Unless it's Halloween, Rocky Horror is kinda dead. This is the new thing.
DONNA
(to Claire)Miss Hipster here is the know-it-all when it comes to indie culture.
WENDY
(ignores Donna and speaks to Claire)So you guys just didn't click?
CLAIREI think he wanted to have sex with me.
DONNAI hate that. When you're trying to be friendly with a guy and all he wants is to get in your pants. That's why I've sworn off men. You just can't make friends with them.
WENDYI have guy friends. And they're just friends.
DONNAThat's what they want you to think.
CLAIREI thought his screen name was kinda cute. Bunny-Death-Ray. That's why I agreed to meet up with him. I thought maybe he had a sense of humor.
WENDYGo back. What was that screen name again?
CLAIREBunny-Death-Ray.
WENDYYou mean Mark?
CLAIREUm. Yeah. His name was Mark.
WENDYOh, he definitely wanted to get in your pants.
DONNA
(to Wendy)You know this guy?
WENDYYeah. He's a friend of mine. Marks a great guy. You just have to be clear about your boundaries with him. He'll do the platonic thing if you make it clear that there's no chance in hell you'll ever sleep with him.
DONNAWhat a small world.
WENDYThat's Sacramento for you. I'm always bumping into people that know people that I know. Just the way it is.
(turning to Donna quickly)Oh! Hey. I forgot to tell you. My friend Jack is doing body painting at one of the art galleries this next Second Saturday.
DONNAWhen is that?
WENDYNot next weekend. Maybe the weekend after...no, that's not right. I don't know. I'll email it to you. With all the details.
CLAIREWhat's on the second Saturday?
WENDYThat's right! You don't know about Second Saturday. It's this thing where you walk around downtown and go to all the galleries. On the second Saturday of each month they have special shows and sometimes free food and wine. It's a must do.
DONNA
(to Wendy)Have you decided if you're gonna model for Jack?
WENDYI'm pretty sure he already has a model for the show.
DONNABut you were saying he was doing this project and really wanted you to-?
WENDYI keep getting stuck on the nudity thing.
DONNAHe won't let you wear a bikini?
WENDYMaybe. But wouldn't that just defeat the point? I mean, if I can dance naked under the moon surrounded by a crowd of people I've just met, I should be able to go buff for the sake of art. Don't you think?
DONNAI'd wear the bikini.
WENDYClaire. Help me here. I should be able to get over this, right?
CLAIREUm. I really don't know.
WENDYI just need to get over my body shyness.
CLAIREI couldn't do it.
DONNA
(to Claire)And there's nothing wrong with that.
WENDY
(shaking her head)You two.
DONNAThere's nothing wrong with being a little conservative.
WENDYThere's nothing wrong with being a little wild.
DONNAAt some point you have to grow up-
WENDYDon't give me that line. I like my life, just the way it-
DONNAYou like always asking for help?
WENDYThat's a low blow.
CLAIREExcuse me.
DONNA and WENDY What?
CLAIRESorry. Um. You know, I think I should be going.
Claire stands.
WENDYNo. Don't. We're sorry-
CLAIREReally. I've got things-
WENDYYou don't have to go.
CLAIRESorry.
Claire rushes off.
DONNAWell, we sure drove her off.
WENDYI'll email her later and apologize.
DONNAI know this was your thing and I kinda ruined it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-
WENDYIt's fine.
DONNAI'd love to come with you to see Jack and the body painting, even if you aren't one of his models.
WENDYThat'd be nice. When I do model, will you come?
DONNAYes. But I won't bring the kid.
WENDYYeah. Good idea. Not a kid friendly event.
DONNASpeaking of the kid...
(standing)We should probably get her home so we can feed her.
WENDYBefore she thinks sand is an appetizer?
DONNAExactly.
WENDY
(standing)Feed me too?
DONNADon't I always.
Donna and Wendy walk off.
(END OF SCENE)
ACT I
SCENE 3
Claire walks on from one side and a moment later Zach from the other. They stare at each other and then walk closer.
CLAIREUm. Zach?
ZACHClaire.
Another moment passes as they look at each other inquisitively.
CLAIREUm...Have we....?
ZACHI'm having that same feeling. Like we've met before.
CLAIREBut we haven't.
ZACHI don't think so.
CLAIREAre you...this is a funny question. But, um, you jog, right?
ZACHAh. Yes. There's a gym right around the corner from where I work. I like to go there after work to de-stress, but when I've had a particularly harried day, sometimes I just like to have a good jog.
CLAIRESo you live around here?
ZACHNo. I live quite a bit away, in Elk Grove.
CLAIREThat can't be it then. I've only been here on weekends. Mostly in the afternoon.
ZACHNo. That's it. I've tried other parks and none can compare. I'll drive all the way up here just for a good jog. There's just something about midtown. All the beautiful houses. The parks near my house just aren't as scenic. I suppose that's weird.
CLAIRENo. That's not weird at all.
ZACHIt's practical; in its own way. I avoid all the ugly afternoon traffic. I get home almost at the same time as I would if I left right after work.
CLAIREI think practical is smart. Um. So. Where do you work?
ZACHI work for the State. I'm an analyst for the California Conservation Corps. I know that sounds boring but I worked hard to get my job. It was important to me that I work for a division that did something good in this world. It's the latent activist in me.
CLAIREDoesn't sound boring to me. Sounds nice. And kind of inspirational. I'm impressed that you'd think about those kind of things. Not everyone does.
ZACHDon't make me out to be some kind of saint. I work for a paycheck just like everyone else.
CLAIREStill...
ZACHSo, Claire...I wanted to clear something up before we go much further.
CLAIREOh?
ZACHIt's nothing terrible. I just wanted to be upfront. In your message you said you're just looking to make friends.
CLAIREThat's what I wrote.
ZACHAnd I am looking for new friends. A couple years back my fianc